Disclaimer: I don't own Tezuka or Fuji, or POT for that matter. I just own the plotbunny. Here bunny...bunny... bunny.....
My first fic, and it's tefu. and angst for that matter. Please don't hate me. Esp demonessryu since it's supposed to be her super belated birthday gift... i don't know what happened ryu... angst just happened... but i will write fluff soon.
Reliving memories is a sad affair. Do you know that? Suddenly remembering something you have no control over. Memories that haunt me all the time. Even in dreams, you still haunt me.
I don't know which one is better: but I would cry myself to sleep, or sometimes, wake up crying. Remembering the dream like it was just yesterday. Or the fantasy, believing as if it was real. Or if I'm lucky, I won't remember my dream at all. But it doesn't take a genius to know what it was supposedly about.
If I'm awake, I usually just repeat my routine. Seeing no purpose, living with no purpose. Finding no energy with anything. I try to find something new. Something exciting. Keeping myself pre-occupied, busying myself. But boredom seeps its way through. Distinguishing all life within me. Was life even there to begin with? I know you took it away when you left.
Not that there was a goodbye to begin with. And that's what hurt me the most, I guess. That you couldn't find to tell me that it was over. Am I a fool for waiting? For trying to be optimistic? When anyone could see, it can never be that way again.
I remember the days when I would wait. For anything. Every week, I looked forward to it. A short message telling me how you were, what you were doing, and sometimes even a hint of affection. But that soon faded. Slowly, it did fade but making sure that this was real. This hurt was real. You gone is real.
At first, tears would fall endlessly. Though as time passed by, the tears grew fewer but the hurt didn't. In fact, it only grew bigger. It only hurt more. Maybe... the reason I stopped crying was because there was no point in it. Would you come back? Would you return if I did? Tell me. Please tell me. I beg you.
I would relive our memories, over and over again until my heart ached. Trying to remember if I did anything wrong. Trying to understand why it ended wrong. Or maybe it was wrong in the first place? And that this now, is the right thing. It's the right thing to do. Sometimes, I regret meeting you.
I wish i could tell you how I feel. How you made me feel. What you made me into.
But now, only a sigh seems to escape. A small thing when compared to these emotions that rage within me.
Sometimes I find myself, embraced with silence. Most of the time, I just stare at nothing, not thinking of anything, at least I try to. There are times, when everything just seems too much though. Without even thinking of anything in particular, the tears fall. I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. Am I crying because you left me? Or is it because, I regret meeting you.
But the crying me, was a long time ago. I stopped crying a long time ago. Now if only, I could stop loving you too. Something I know I could never do.
The past has put a curse on me. Did you know? I can't seem to get over it. I can't seem to get over you. I could only love you. I thought, it would always be you. Tezuka...
A/N: this fic was inspired about how I used to get tefu fic updates every week and now... not even one... huhuhu (-......-)